I want my life back..

It's the phase of life everyone experiences in his or her life. The phase when you don't want a part of your life script to take a particular path, but what happens is exactly that. It is at this point of time that you are driven to all sorts of desperate measures, to get back to normal, but what you realise is that all you can do is getting desperate, nothing more.

It has been a very tough last two weeks for me. Very tough indeed. Loads of stuff haven't gone my way, and this had led to me losing my cool more than a couple of occasions. There were times when I felt miserable, times when I was avoided and ignored. times when I felt useless, times when the only person on earth who I thought cared for me was Shreyas, all killer times.

Yesterday I went into a session of retrospection. It just gave me thought of about how funny life was. A week earlier or so, I had been extremely cheerful, loads of fun, and peals of laughter emanating from me, anyone could have envied my happiness. A little more retrospection, and then I realised I had changed slowly. A year ago, life was much more fun in the sense that I was loads happier as a person. I realised that I had changed a huge deal different from the Chappli I was once. Life used to be a garden, where only happiness prevailed. Everything was either black or white, no room for gray existed. People were either straightforward, or were lying, none was of the type who spoke in a manner and behaved in another. I wished life had gone on that way. But in the last two weeks, an incident made my life take a Gaussean curve. I was pushed through a negative slope from the maxima of happiness.

I was led from the happiest days of my life to one of the most disastrous ones. Tears took the hot seat. I cried after such a long time in my life. I started feeling miserable. I became highly moody, and the way I behaved with others in public was totally uncalled for. It was just that I couldn't take some things in life that easily. But, I must definitely admit, my friends are one of the best lots in the world. The people take utmost care of me like I were a kid, and that something was wrong with me becomes the topic of discussion in telephone lines across Chennai, Kanpur, Goa and Pilani.

How I wish I had myself back! Those innocent days, those cute conversations with friends, those cricket sessions, those fun filled hours of working for an SOE, those lovely hours at 1 or 2 in the night, and loads more in life. How I wish life were itself again for me! How I wish I rediscovered myself!! How I wish people weren't cruel anymore to me!! How I wish I were Chappli again!! I want my life back!!!!

I'd also like to thank all my friends who have been with me through this, helping me out with each and every moment. Thank you!!

Ever yours,

XYZ...